Reflections

If I've learned one thing from trying to do my family tree..it's that I am in awe of how little I actually know about my family.  I know basically nothing about either of my grandparents, other than their names, and for one set I don't even have that.  I will be able to find out names, but I struggle to come to terms with the fact that I am not likely to know much about WHO these people were.  I don't have stories, I have few photographs and I have very few tangible pieces of 'evidence' that some of them ever existed.

It's led me to look hard at my life, about how little I am sharing with my own boys about stories of how I grew up, the people who were part of it.  I've decided to write down A LOT of things, in the hopes that if a) I never share these stories, or b) if i do and they forget..that they will be there for future generations to be able to have a look at.  I suppose in some ways, even doing this blog, is a step towards that.  I've pretty much decided to cover the 'major' events, but am trying to decide what, if any, of the 'lesser' events to include.  Of course, I also have to find some time to actually DO it....saying I am going to and actually doing it are two very different things.

I know life is short, sometimes way too short, and people are taken from us too soon.  In researching the paternal side of my family tree I have come to realise that though my dad and I were inseparable in a lot of ways, I really knew nothing about his life before I was born.  I don't know much about his military service..other than the little pieces of information I have been able to glean from one piece of his military file.  I don't know for sure who his parents were, or what his life was like growing up as a black child/adolescent/man in  mid-1900's America.

I've lived on three different continents in as many decades, had a vast amount of experiences on each one, and yet I still struggle with the feeling that I am missing something; not necessarily literally, but metaphorically/psychologically/spiritually.  Having said that, there's little I would change in the course of my life, and so far there is only one thing I truly regret.

I'm not getting any younger...so hopefully I figure it out soon.

Birthday Parties

I remember birthday parties fondly from my childhood..but now that I have to THROW them......I just want to curl up in a ball and rock in the corner.  To be fair I haven't actually thrown a kids party in nearly 3 years, but I still feel woefully out of my depth.  What day do you have it, how long do you have it for, what time does it start, what kind of food, party games?

A has decided that he has to have a party this year because he is turning five; it's a big deal apparently to turn five.  Thankfully he doesn't want to invite the entire kindy, in fact, his invite list consists of a respectable five other children.  Unfortunately he has been sick, and not been at kindy, so the amount of notice I wanted to give for this party has kind of disappeared.  Invites need to go out tomorrow, at the latest, and I still haven't decided on the important things like what time it starts and what time it finishes.....at least the date is sorted.  Hopefully people will be able to come, or am going to have one disappointed little boy.

So now I have less than 2 weeks to plan EVERYTHING..and I will admit that I am slightly freaked out.  At least we won't have to corral a massive number of children, and the house is big enough to entertain in if the weather takes a turn for the worst.  I think the theme is pirates..so it should be fun to try and pull together...but need to shop for some things now and do a couple of test runs, in case it all goes pear shaped and there is time to 'fix' it.  We didn't do that a couple of times, and there wasn't really time to put it right the way we would have liked.

Fingers crossed it's a fun day....and the weather cooperates.....and the cake turns out how it should...

Roots

For some reason, ones I am still not so clear on, I decided that composing a family tree was a good idea.

Maybe it's my age, maybe it's the fact that I want the boys to know where they come from, maybe it's because I am a little bit sad and disappointed that I have lost touch with some of my family or maybe it's a combination of all the above.

Starting this journey has been slightly complicated by a lack of information, particularly on my Irish ancestors and my Dad's.  I've come to realise how little I actually know about my father and where he came from.  There have been rumours of adoption, but I actually have NO idea how true or otherwise that may be.  I don't know who his parents were and his sister died, unbeknownst to me at the time, in 2005 so I can't even ask her.  My mother is vague on the details and I haven't been able to find any tangible information on him other than what I already know.  So I am trying to think of ways to find out the information that I need so that I can at least have a copy of his birth certificate.  Luckily for me, or maybe not as I have no idea what it contains yet, I can have a copy of his Military file.  I am hoping that this will have something like an emergency contact form with some names I don't already know on it.  Because he is dead, I have to send proof of that before they will send it to me, so I have ordered a copy of his death certificate today and hopefully in the next couple of weeks I will have some new leads.

I have also sent a letter to my cousin, one of a few living Murphy relatives. I sent him one nearly 5 years ago, just after Alex was born and when I learned that my aunt, his mother, had died 2 years earlier.  I don't know if he had already moved, or he just didn't want to talk to me...but thought I would take a punt, and try again, after I found an address on-line that is more than likely his current address.

My mother's side..well on her paternal side, has been slightly easier to trace and actually have quite a bit of info on them, confirmed back to my great, great grandfather.  The maternal side of her tree, however, is complicated by a couple of things.  One, the fact that I am having to deal with Irish records, or perhaps a lack thereof; and two, when my grandmother married my grandfather she was McFadden...but there are no McFadden's on the island I know they came from; they appear as Padden in both the 1901 and 1911 Census.  I have no idea how she got from being a Padden to a McFadden, and I have no idea how she got to England from Ireland.

It's been an interesting journey so far, and I still have a bit of work to do on my side of things to try and leave some stories and memories for the boys, and for any future ancestors who want to know where they came from.